Seek first to understand, then to be understood

Recently I was trying to convey to a colleague the importance of representative participation in our assessments.

For example, to determine whether the village authorities were running an effective flood warning system, we should not ask those authorities only. They might well be biased, so we should also ask other community members, I explained.

To get this point across I was patient and diplomatic, using a range of methods and simple English to overcome any language barrier. So when, after fifteen minutes of effort, my friend had still not really grasped the concept, I felt I had done all I could and was frustrated that I had not been understood.

But on reflection, my patience and diplomacy were, from the outset, directed entirely at making him understand me and this concept I considered ‘simple’ and ‘correct’.

What I had not done was make any real commitment to first understand my colleague. Why had he taken the approach he did? What did he understand by the concepts of ‘participation’ and ‘bias’ and how they applied to our programme?

To have sought first to understand would have taken more time and discipline. But aside from treating a colleague with more respect and establishing common ground, I might also have got closer to my own goal: to be understood.

In this cross-cultural context I have been given the chance to appreciate more fully ‘seek first to understand, then to be understood’. I hope I will now apply it more whole-heartedly than before.